I had certainly meant to update this page semi-regularly, but clearly once every quarter seems more likely. Entry number two is also a Lovecraft-inspired film. Not intentional, but hey, go with what you know, right? On the block today is Spanish supernatural thriller La Herencia Valdemar. Here goes. The movie begins with an simple premise - a creepy old mansion in the Spanish countryside needs to be valuated for auction, the appraiser goes missing so another is sent in his place who also proceeds to go missing. Yadda yadda private detective hired by man with Cthulhu-headed walking stick, yadda yadda the remaining hour and ten minutes is a flashback about a fraudulent medium/fine orphanage caretaker set in the 1800s. I'm not opposed to the flashback in principle, especially when it ties in nicely with the overall story, however it would seem that the entirety of this particular flashback (which makes up nearly all of the film's runtime) is merely a setup for the upcoming sequel. You might be thinking, "But Hypno Toad, that's how it works! Films setup sequels which in turn setup even more sequels! That's logic! You're mental!" And reader, I might agree with you in most cases, but hear me out.
La Herencia Valdemar felt to me like a prequel to a film that hasn't been made yet. Say what? Wouldn't that just make it the first film in the series and not a prequel? Technically, yes, but that's not how it plays in this case. It's as if the writer and director took what could have been explained in a 5-10 minute flashback and created an entire movie around it, bookending it with segments in modern time that are introduced as the ACTUAL main story, but don't actually get much screen time and end abruptly. This isn't quite the same, but you know when Obi Wan mentions the Clone Wars in one line of dialogue in the original Star Wars, and then Lucas makes the prequels, stretching an interesting idea into hours of painful, flaming detritus? Same here, just less crushing. Having a backstory is essential in this genre, but explaining it in ridiculous detail is not. I just want to know the important and cool stuff, I do not want to watch people chopping wood and drinking tea for long lengths of time, especially when the rest of the story is hopping up and down in the background excitedly waiting it's turn to share.
Surprisingly, however, I did not hate the film. Shocking, I know. For one, it had Spanish horror legend Paul Naschy as a loyal occult-hating manservant (in his final film)! It was also ever so slightly Lovecraftian, which is something. Most importantly, it had a scene in which Aleister Crowley, Lizzie Borden, Belle Gunness and Bram Stoker (!!) get together in the Spanish countryside to summon an Old One in a seance. I'm not joking, Stoker shows up because he needs some dark space god to help him deal with his writers block. Then he runs away. For some fantastic reason, despite being told the protagonist and his wife are dirt poor, they live in a mansion full of happy, non-filthy orphans which also serves as a spiritual nexus and possible dimensional gateway to Lovecraft la-la land. Most of what happens makes little to no sense, yet the film just rolls with it and so did I. Immortal demon zombie who speaks to people telepathically and then screams? Sure, why not! Extended irrelevant scene involving orphans and hot chocolate? Of course! To boot, it's nicely shot and has surprisingly good acting (especially Naschy's character and the fellow who plays Crowely).
Well it turns out the sequel HAS been made, and it's being released sometime this year. Will I watch it? Given that this image on the left is the official poster, yes, yes I will. Will I understand it? Probably not. But let's be honest, how often does Cthulhu actually show up on screen these days? Given that this is probably the best cinematic Lovecraft we'll get until Cameron, del Toro and Cruise journey to the Mountains of Madness (in head-scratching 3D!) sometime next year, I say it's worth a watch, especially if you're fed up with the horror schlock that's dribbling out of Hollywood these days. It may not be great, but at least it's interesting. Next up? Either Ovredal's The Troll Hunter or Uruguayan La Casa Muda (soon to be remade as Silent House starring an Olsen sister). Assuming I can find subtitles for these floating around on the net, that is.
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